When Worlds Collide
by 4DaLulz
Summary: Twilight/My Immortal crossover. Summary inside. Rated M for language, gore, and blatant disregard of an enjoyable plot, or any plot, for that matter. Also rated M for the characters.


**When Worlds Collide [A Comedic Tragedy]**

[[Note: I am not Tara Gilesbie, or a FauxTara, or anyone else. It's just me, writing this shit for my friend. I just had to write this, it was too good not to.  
Oh, and if you're offended by this, I'd be glad to call the wahhmbulance for you to get your butthurt looked at. Don't like, don't read.]]

**Prompt:** What if Ebony and Bella got into a bitchfight? Fanfic within a fanfic.

**Rated:** M for language, gore, and blatant disregard of an enjoyable plot, or any plot, for that matter. Also rated M for the characters. Yikes.

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Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way was sitting alone on some steps, waiting for someone to notice her. As usual, she was dressed in her extreme goffik style. Oh, you need more? The color scheme was black and red, and there was so much fishnet it would make a seaman want to gauge his eyes out with something rusty. No, I won't describe her makeup! What are you, a posr?

Anyways. Just as Enoby went to look for the rusty thing the seaman dropped to slit her wrists, an extremely plain looking girl walked down and sat next to her. Ebony looked her up and down, and decided she was a posr prep because she didn't have on any MCR paraphernalia, or horrendously messed up hair, or even a tiny bit of blood on her.

"ugh posr prep gtfo of mai way an go di in a hol. Im wating 4 mu vamp bf drako." These words, I guess you could call them, came out of Ebony's mouth, and the girl had to think extra hard to decipher what she assumed was a garbled form of English.

"My boyfriend's a vampire too," the girl said, looking a little high. "His name is Edward. He sparkles in the sunlight, and is fine with garlic, and has a big cross in his house, doesn't sleep in a coffin, and drinks animal blood. I'm Bella, by the way."

Ebony took Bella's statements into careful consideration, and had her well thought out answer. "omg he sonds liek a prep posur loser. mi amvpire bf cud ttly beet da shiut ot of urs." Just then, a shiny silver Volvo skidded into the scene on two wheels, probably because the driver was drunk and/or a smeyerpire. The driver got out in slow motion, even though nothing else was in slow motion. He reeked of b.o. and had five o' clock shadow even though it was ten a.m.

"Bella," Edward breathed. He did not say it. He _breathed_ it. Like a faithful dog running to its master, Bella got up, tripped, and ran to Edward where they proceeded to show such a spectacle of public affection that Ebony threw up a little.

Ten minutes and one Movie Rating Questions call later, Bella and her boyfriend, Edward, came up for air. "ew yiu sik posrs get a rom," Ebony shouted, then saw her own boyfriends car. It was black with real bat wings coming out both sides, and blood dripping from the exhaust pipe. 'Draco' climbed out of the car and looked at Ebony with sexy depression. Hell no, you may not have a description of what he's wearing! Ebony ran up to him and, without any pretense of doing so, 'put his thingy in her you-know-what' right away, in an incredibly hypocritical manner. One car shagging and several facepalms later, Ebony pushed Draco off, but grabbed his hand and led him towards the other couple.

"dis is ny bf darco," Ebony said suicidally, "ur bf luks liek shitt. Drako cud bet him up in a sekund."

"Edward is perfect. Don't underestimate him…" she said slowly, which makes her seem extra high.

Ebony then did the unthinkable. She reached up with her blood colored nails and slapped Bella across the face. All at once, everyone dived into the fight. A large dust cloud appeared, though they were on pavement, and obscured everyone from view. You could see the occasional black stiletto boot or sparkly pale arm pop out of the cloud, then sail back in.

After a few more seconds of this, a loud BANG! Was heard and the dust magically cleared away. What was left was Edward biting Draco's arm whilst Draco yanked his hair next to Ebony who held a gun. The gun was still pointed at Bella on the ground, her blood streaming from a wicked gash.

"Bella!" the cry from Edward echoed around the paved space. It seemed as if time slowed down while Edward contemplated what to do. On one hand, he could try to save Bella in some miraculous way that would end up not working. On the other hand, he could rip Ebony's throat out for maiming his precious pet human. And on the _other_ hand, Bella's pooling blood was really working him into a frenzy. He decided to go for Bella's blood.

While the sparkling guy lapped up the nasty blood from the ground, Enony got the fantastic idea to start making out with what used to be Draco. Suddenly, everyone (including the supposed-to-be-dead-Bella) heard a noise and turned towards a rather toad-like woman with a laptop and a Starbucks in hand.

"Stop, stop! Bella isn't supposed to die! You are all ruining my plans!" The toad-woman wailed, one eye twitching creepily.

After an awkward silence, complete with cricket noises, Ebony piped up, "hu da hell r u?"

"My name," the woman said dramatically, "Is Stephanie Meyer."

"ooohh ur da 1 hu rote da frekish ass stry abt da gay vapmires?" Enoby cackled as if she had just made the greatest comeback in the world.

Just as suddenly as their most recent visitor, a girl dressed much like Ebony, though considerably chunkier and less appealing (can you imagine? Less appealing than EBONY?), wobbled into the scene on her hooker heels.

"gurl u tel hur!" the teenage thing said. Enoby did not know this girl, but she took an immense liking to her immediately and vaguely wondered if they would ever get the chance to become lezzie fuck buddies.

"remind me 2 tel blodymary dat shes not ma bst freid anemoar dis gurls ma nu 1" Eboby whispered to Darko.

SMeyer and none other than Tara Gilesbie took one look at each other and dove into the magical dust cloud. It was so entertaining, someone almost built an octagon around them and televised the whole thing. Almost.

Meanwhile, Edward was eyeing Tara. A Twihead would think he noticed the ease of her punches thrown at the older woman, or the grace of her trampy stilettos jabbing into Stephanie's fat pockets. In actuality, he was turned on, because here's someone who he could turn into a vamp and fuck with. Clearly she had no soul to be given up. So, like the selfish smeyerpire that he is, Edward ran, full-speed into the quarrel and whisked Tara away, never to be seen again. Strangely, at the same time, thousands of n00bs were weeping the loss of their beloved troll- I mean, writer.

Bella had started crying again, because Edward left her. Again. "aw dnt cry," Drako said, "ill giv u all the atenshun u ned" Because she heard her undying wish spoken aloud, Bella smiled and took the fictional character's hand, and walked off into the sunset. At 10:30 a.m.

And then there were two. Meyer, now very bruised and butthurt, sat on the cement steps where Bella had sat, looking sad and dejected. Ebony followed, having nothing better to do.

"im so sad & alon. Mi bf left wif dat chik and I hav nuthin left 2 liv 4." Enoby moaned sexily.

"That's it!" Stephanie said, "This was in my dream last night! A lonely girl who gets dumped and used! Thousands of girls worldwide can live out a creepy fairytale through YOU, Ebony! This will be bigger than any of my work!"

Enony shrugged and leaned against the steps, secretly really excited about being in ANOTHER shitty story. As the screen did one of those corny fadeouts, you could hear SMeyer say, "First, I'll teach you how to spell…"

And everyone lived crappily ever after, half in the fiction world, half in the dimly lit room of the so-called authors. Though several weeks later, the police were informed about a sleepover-gone-wrong between Stephanie Meyer and Tara Gilesbie, dealing with large amounts of crack and a laptop being wrongfully given to them (which probably resulted in this monstrosity). But the police were so full of lulz from reading this story, that they all celebrated and got donuts. And everyone lived happily ever after. Except Jacob.

_FIN_

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**A/N:** So? Who liked it? Who hated it? Who was mildly disturbed? I love reviews more than I love my brother, so you should click that button. If you were one of those that didn't like, but still read, go ahead. Send me some hate mail. I'll love it.


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